Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
