So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
