Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
