so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have aggressive nipples.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
