Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
