didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
