Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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