I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
