Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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