My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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