FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
