She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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