now i know why i became what i already was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
