so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
