I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
