new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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