I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
