This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
