She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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