Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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