Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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