im drinking this country out of the recession.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
