Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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