So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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