You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
