Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
