Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
