We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
