it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
