Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
