if only i could text you this smell
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Randomize
