New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
