Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.

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(905): View more from Ontario

i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

Fav 12 6125 1440
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.

Fav 22 5750 1244
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(816): View more from Missouri

Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."

Fav 7 2808 1406
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard

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(817): View more from Texas

We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.

Fav 8 3028 1148
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(303): View more from Colorado

Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.

Fav 19 2525 924
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(206): View more from Washington

Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.

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(512): View more from Texas

There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.

(650): View more from California

you missed out this chick was licking her paddle

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