Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
