So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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