y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
