I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
