Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
