You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
