Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
