Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
