so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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