it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
