waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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