she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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