He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
