Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
