non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
