I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
