Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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